Introduction to Emotional Intelligence | How can you influence the emotions of others?
Understanding and learning emotional intelligence is very important because it helps you understand yourself in a better way and makes you a better person whether you are a spouse, parent, employee, manager, or an active member of society.
Introduction to emotional intelligence
(Face your emotions)
What do you know about emotions? How do you control it? How can you influence the emotions of others?

Although the subject of “emotions” is a very important topic, it is not uncommon to talk about it in our societies. Your understanding of your emotions may have a positive impact on all aspects of your life because knowing the factors and how they work helps you raise your level of self-awareness and enables you to control and manage your emotions In a better way, this will be reflected in many aspects of your life.
Understanding and learning “emotional intelligence” is very important because it helps you understand yourself in a better way and makes you a better person whether you are a spouse, a parent, an employee, a manager, or an active member of society.
The subject of “emotional intelligence” has been analyzed and studied for several years, and this explains the existence of numerous researches, studies, books and articles in this field. In this article, I will focus on “establishing and building emotional intelligence” and my goal is to give you information that enables you to understand the way your emotions work and how coaching can contribute to understanding, perceiving and managing emotions.

Emotions and feelings:
Emotions and feelings are two words that are often used to denote the same thing, but in fact there is a difference between them. Simply emotions reside in the body, while feelings are in the mind. Emotions are the responses and bodily responses to different situations and occur in the amygdala, the subcortical region of the brain that some call the emotional brain, which is connected to the prefrontal cortex (analytical brain) by neurons.

The purpose of the emotional mind in the human being is to help him survive. It enables the person to make appropriate reactions to different situations, which may sometimes be dangerous. It is also a very important part of the brain and can influence our values, behavior, and beliefs more than the thinking mind. That is why it is sometimes difficult for us to stop practicing some bad habits; Despite the knowledge of the analytical mind and its ability to distinguish between right and wrong, bad habits will not stop unless the emotional mind is convinced. Therefore, changing behavior requires that the latter be an active participant in the change process.

All people share six basic emotions: sadness, anger, fear, joy, love and peace, and each of them has its own physical expressions. For example, when you are angry, your cheeks will feel hot and your muscles will be tense. The physical state resulting from emotion, for example, can be measured by heart rate, blood pressure, or by the extent of the pupil dilation.
When emotions are produced, the feelings that originate in the neocortical cortex follow immediately. Feelings are a response to emotions and there are a large number of feelings, and it can be said that they express the emotions that are inside us. For example, when you feel angry, you may interpret this emotion as a feeling of jealousy or resentment, but the fact of the matter is that you feel angry, and therefore feelings or sensations cannot be measured because they are simply expressions or signs of the original emotions that we feel.
Understanding the difference between emotions and feelings helps to communicate with himself as it enables him to control his reactions and makes him deal with his surroundings better. The ability of one of us to control his emotions leads him to control his thoughts, actions, and behavior. These elements are interconnected and if they are realized, they can have a very positive effect. What does this mean?
Emotions, thoughts and behaviors:
Everything that exists inside us is connected and interconnected with each other, and therefore when we talk about emotions, we need to shed light on their relationship to thoughts and behaviors. This trio of emotions, thoughts and behaviors cannot be easily understood, especially when one of us wants to make a change in his life because he will have to He decides which of these three factors he will focus on and how this will be done.

To get the idea clear, do this simple exercise:
Think of a situation that led to a negative outcome: it could be a situation where you felt anger, frustration, any bad feeling or a combination of bad feelings.
Now relax and take a deep breath.
Now ask yourself what thoughts were running through your mind during this bad situation? What was going through your mind? (Remember the sensations are in your mind.)

You may have noticed that bad emotions are the result of bad thoughts. You may have felt frustrated or disinterested from the other party, or felt angry, for example, because your children do not respect you, and therefore as thoughts expand, feelings expand with them, until a sudden explosion occurs and it will be difficult to control and control it.
There is no doubt that such a situation will have effects on your behavior; You may choose to respond in a negative way such as screaming or fighting. You can also take a deep breath and do not react, and in any case you have to confront and manage your thoughts. Here you will have to delve into yourself to be able to understand what happened in your mind and heart in order to turn the negative side into a positive one.
This interconnected relationship between emotions, thoughts and behavior is not completely clear and cannot be controlled. The person must look deeply for himself and try to take each factor separately to be able to manage, control and change. Changing one's life requires commitment and responsibility, as well as a change in self-awareness.

self conscious:
Raising awareness is a lifelong journey. It is the result of a series of discoveries about yourself that may take a great deal of effort and time, but is the most valuable gift you can give yourself.
Life takes a lot of things from us, and it distracts us a lot, and despite all of that, you must be your first priority, and for this, you must devote time and effort to start the journey of awareness.
There are many methods and tools that can be used to raise awareness but here we will talk on the level of emotions. You can start with these questions that you should ask yourself. It is a set of questions mentioned in the famous book “Emotional Intelligence Coaching”. Be honest with yourself when answering them:

What emotions am I feeling now?
Where do I feel it in my body?
Why do I feel it?
What triggered these emotions?
What are the styles, beliefs or values ​​associated with them?

There are many similar exercises that will help a person understand himself and enable him to raise his level of awareness of the inner thoughts and emotions that led him to those behaviors. Self-awareness enables a person to control his actions and enables him to live a better life. It not only helps a person understand himself but also enables him to understand others.

From raising awareness to realizing others:
During the journey of self-discovery and self-awareness, you will be able to understand and perceive the things that lead to thinking, feeling, and acting in certain ways. Raising awareness is very important in terms of accepting yourself so that you can later manage or change. It also enables you to choose and determine the way in which you deal with situations and people, and for this reason raising awareness is an essential stage to make any change in your life.

By self-awareness, your awareness of your surroundings increases. You will be able to see beyond other people's reactions and will become more receptive and understanding of the reasons why people act a certain way. It will also develop your ability to manage on two levels: a relationship to yourself and a relationship to others. As mentioned earlier, awareness leads to better control of your emotions, thoughts and behavior. One way to change your behavior is to change your thoughts or emotions, for example feeling lonely for anyone caused by the emotion of sadness. But where did this sadness come from? It is caused by a person thinking that his friends are ignoring him or because there is no one to talk to, or because there is no one to share his life with. The behavior that results from similar thoughts and emotions may be because this person did not give others a chance or because he is an introvert. This vicious cycle of emotions that lead to thoughts and which in turn lead to certain actions will never stop until you decide to stop them.


When awareness rises, self-management will also improve. The chain of emotions, thoughts and behaviors will shrink and be replaced by a positive one. The person will realize that the current situation is not helpful and will not help in achieving the life he desires and this will prompt him to take the necessary responsibility to break the negative chain and create another positive one.


In the end, a person finds himself more aware of himself and others and will be able to accept them instead of accusing them or issuing judgments about them, and his speculation about what people may think or feel becomes positive, and this will leave room for patience and tolerance in his dealings with others.

As a result of all this, interpersonal relationships will improve and be easier to manage because they are based on acceptance, trust and partnership. The listening skill will also be affected and teamwork will develop, which will be very beneficial on the level of both personal and professional life. To have a working team that enjoys close relationships, and is able to manage its emotions, will make the work environment comfortable and positive, which will develop work ethics, creativity and efficiency.

Now how does all of this relate to our topic of emotional intelligence? As previously mentioned, emotions, thoughts, and behaviors are interconnected and affect each other. To be able to understand the reasons that led someone to act in a certain way or to understand your own actions, you should look in depth at the emotions and thoughts that cause them. In other words, controlling and managing actions and behaviors is based on understanding emotions and possessing emotional intelligence.

emotional smartness:
Emotional intelligence was first introduced by Michael Beldoch in 1966, and then in 1983 an American psychiatrist named Howard Gardne introduced the idea of ​​multiple intelligences, and he said that the IQ test, which was used to measure intelligence, protects Only a specific type of intelligence. But people have different kinds of intelligence. Some people have linguistic intelligence and others have musical intelligence and so on. These categories are included:


Interpersonal intelligence: the ability to understand the motives, incentives, and desires of other people.

Interpersonal intelligence: the ability to understand oneself, its feelings, fears and motivations.

Although Gardner's work was recognized at the time, the term emotional intelligence did not become popular until 1995 when Daniel Goleman wrote a book entitled: Emotional Intelligence. He wrote that emotional intelligence is important to achieving any kind of success. He confirmed that according to research studies, 80% of your success depends on your emotional intelligence.


Emotional intelligence can be defined as the ability to identify and manage one's own emotions as well as identify and manage the emotions of others. This definition shows that emotional intelligence includes two basic components: identification and management. It is also based on two aspects: the personal emotions of the individual and the emotions of others. Awareness remains the most important stage as mentioned previously. Simply put, emotional intelligence includes:

Determine one's emotions
Managing one's emotions
Determine the emotions of others
Managing the emotions of others

It is very important to realize that you have to start with yourself and by identifying your emotions you will be able to manage them and then control your thoughts and actions. Whether done gradually or at the same time, you will also be able to identify and manage the emotions of others and this will change their thoughts and behavior.

Why is emotional intelligence important?
Emotional intelligence is a life skill, and therefore it can be learned and developed. It is a skill that can enhance the personal and work life of an individual